Driving home from work last week, I passed a stalled car, stuck in the middle of one of the two turning lanes at a busy intersection, during rush hour. Not sure what was wrong with the car, but the hazards were on and either he/she knew there was no hope of doing much at such a hectic time, or there was no hope in trying.
As I sat there, two cars up in the next lane, waiting on a never ending red light, I became extremely conflicted that no one was offering to help this poor person, including myself. Just imagine how stressful it would feel to be that person blocking a lane and holding up traffic during 5 o’clock traffic in DFW! I wanted to help, but had no idea how to do so because:
A - If I got out of my car to offer to help push their vehicle out of the way (via crossing the crazy intersection to get to a parking lot) then MY car becomes the sitting duck.
B - I’m not the first person anyone thinks of when they need muscle.
It’s a good thing that was such a long light because I zoned out and started to argue with myself.
“You’re a hypocrite, you expect people to stop and offer help in a situation like this, but you’re following the herd and doing nothing.”
“I’m a 125 lb girl in a skirt & 6-inch heels, how much help would I actually be?”
“Maybe if you got out to at least see if this person was okay, someone, who could put some real oomph behind a vehicle, would feel compelled (probably guilted) to do so.”
“What if that doesn’t happen and I just look like a fool trying to do it in that getup?”
“A buck 25 is better than nothin’!”
I kicked myself all the way home, for not figuring out a way to help that person. Tyler reassured me that I just wouldn’t have been much help in a situation like that. But despite his attempts to change it, I still felt like a huge hypocrite because I expect people to have the good manners and compassion to help others out, but I did no such thing that day at Frankford and Midway.
According to Law & Order: SVU It's called the bystander effect:
Nobody does anything because they think someone else will.
(FYI - I searched for an hour for that, I knew what episode I was thinking of but had to jump from fan site to fan site to find the exact wording. I know you all appreciate having precise L&O:SVU quotes, so you're welcome.)
Although it's an awful way to think, we're all guilty of making that exact assumption probably more often than we care to admit. From litter to a stranger with car trouble even all the way to someone being abused, it can leave you feeling ashamed thinking back about how easily you could've helped out, even in the smallest way.
A little while back I stumbled upon a Pin that suggests to pre make these "Blessing Bags" to keep in the car, and whenever you come upon a homeless person, instead of giving them cash, offer up a whole gift bag of thoughtful items. I hardly ever saw homeless people in Lubbock, so I never saw the use in making them, but I pass by some every now and then here in DFW so it's on my grocery list to put a couple together. It's not going to change the world and I bet some would prefer cash, but I think it's thoughtful and super sweet!
Tyler and I are also wanting to find a place to volunteer, even if it's just once or twice a month. We've thought about going to an animal shelter, soup kitchen, or Habitat for Humanity but haven't decided just yet.
Lately I've been really missing the days when I volunteered in the nursery at Stonegate Fellowship. I worked with the babies and crawlers every Sunday and Wednesday and that's usually how I ended up with my steady babysitting jobs. (I've seen pictures of some of those kiddos lately, and they're like little people now!! Crazy how that happens...) We just started our hunt for a church, but once we find the perfect fit I'd love to start cuddling some precious babies again!
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